Faith Restored....

I'm finally done with my classes at PSC, it wasn't as hard as I originally thought it would be, but I'm glad I came out with good grades. My faith is learning has been restored. I owe a great deal to two of the best instructors I've had throughout my entire educational career. Professor Fogarty and Kim Heintz Chou....really engaging instructors. Professor Fogarty really gave some thought provoking lectures, really made me interested in learning....and teaching.

I could have applied myself much more but I have a unique living situation....I have no complaints and some in my situation may feel 'unraveled' most times, but I keep it together most times, or at least I think I do....I'm a caregiver...a mom...a business owner...a student...this and that....

My son has autism...(broad word)...AUTISM...THERE I SAID IT. I hate that word. I deal with it, because that's the label that he's been given.

You know for a long time, I couldn't even look at words that resembled AUTISM. ARtistic....ARtist...AUtomatic...AUtomobile...I couldn't bear to look at them....

I would change the channel on the television, shut off the radio...and cry......long...cry hard....cry silently....cry loudly, EVERY SINGLE TIME...I heard the word.....I faded into black! All the while smiling as if I felt good inside....

I went into a place where I didn't even recognize myself. MY son was gone.....at least that's what I thought, I was mournig him....shit! He wasn't the same boy I knew. Fuck! He was saying his alphabets in Spanish before turned 1. He was reciting the Preamble...you should have heard it....his little baby voice..."We the people, of the United States"....I was so proud of him...we would all crowd around him. Ask him to say it again...we'd ask him to say his ABC's in Spanish, we'd ask him point out all the things he recognized around the house....then he turned 2.

He was different...remember...I said above that I faded into black...well, I pushed certain things into the darkness that I never got back, but when he turned 2...he was different. His speech pretty much disappear, he started walking on his toes...I knew...I knew...I knew it...

Funny thing is, I knew it, I felt that fucked up word called AUSTIM when he was talking....So, fast forward a year...now he's three. After the incognito early intervention....I panicked! It was time for school! I WASN'T READY FOR THE LOOKS...THE ASSUMPTIONS...THE RIDICULE...THE WHISPERS...THE ACCUSATIONS....I got it all...

NO need to bash..NO need to blame...BUT it was a terrible experience...then, I had a revelation! I drug MYSELF out of the darkness and decided to help myself...so that I could help my son....I started reading...reading...researching...reading...talking (as much as I could, I'm not a big talker...lol)...the point is I became proactive...I found my son a place that offered what I felt was the best education/therapy for him. I'm happy with this place, but its funny how something so little can influence how one lives their lives...

After researching facts, talking to my doctor...I wanted to start my son off on the GFCF diet...I ordered supplements and other things to help aid us...I prepared his meals...yada...yada...yada...then I sent a letter to the school explaining to them that I was doing this, with the blessing of his doctor and I was met with opposition! MY son...MY responsibility...needless to say...I was pissed....Anyway...to make an already LONG story short, I made a small difference in the way my son was eating at school.

After that point, I was a little frustrated...I decided that I want to learn how to teach my son myself....thing is...I've always wanted to be a teacher, but I gave up on it long ago....

It resurfaced because of my son...I want to teach Special Education....BUT I also want to teach English...Social Studies...Literaure...or History. I'm conflicted! I want both....Maybe I can do both somehow...I do know that I will do what is best for my son.

Anyhow....my story is not over...I will teach....God has given me the strength to pull myself out of the darkness...I'm positive that when the time comes, my choice will be easy to make.

My faith is restored...